Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Two New Databases Announced


The open source coderati announced a new database today called “Monsoon”.  Norm “Al” Modelle said much effort was spent by the team so it can handle internet sized floods of data.  He expected it to have the licensing of PostgreSQL, the multi-engine support of MySQL, the functionality of Oracle, the ease of use of MS SQL Server, and the massively parallel scalability of DB2.

Not to be outdone, Computer Dilettantes (CD) also announced a new database, the oddly named “Mud Puddle”. Eye Samme, the Executive VP in charge of databases we intend to milk for support revenue, said he knows the customer is being squeezed by licensing costs in these hard times.  So CD spent considerable effort designing a real time application that constantly analyzes the customer’s use of the database.  It then notifies the sales force how they can maximize revenue extraction from the customer. He said the database will have the licensing of Oracle, the ease of use of DB2, the single engine support of PostgreSQL, the scalability of MySQL, and the functionality of MS SQL Server.

Oh, and please attend MySQL partitioning session if you are thinking about implementing partitioning.  I promise it will have a bit more technical content. 


Frank said...

How about a database with the license fees of Oracle, the multi platform support of MS SQL, the stored routines of MySQL, the commercial support organization of PostgreSQL and the popularity of Ingress? That would be a winner.

Ronald Bradford said...

Your April Fools would have more street cred if you had some hard links there.